Yes, I Do Feel Different This Year

I feel different this year. My birthday just passed, and as expected, people asked me, “Do you feel different now that you are 24?”. I do.

The week leading up to my birthday felt a little off for me. I had a hard time putting my finger on why I felt this way. When I talked to my husband about this nagging feeling, all I could think to say was that my birthday felt weird. I didn’t feel the same excitement for my birthday as I had in the past. I added this feeling to the list of drawbacks of becoming an adult. I tried to go about my week.

Twenty-three was a big year for me. I lived with my fiancé in a home that we bought, across the country from my family and everything that we knew. I graduated with my master’s degree, passed my board exam (on my second attempt), and started working my dream job. I got married, and I went on an incredible honeymoon. I made some great friends and started volunteering in my community.

My twenty-third year on this planet was more perfect than I could have asked for.

Everything I have worked towards my entire life has come to fruition this year.

And yet, at 24, I feel vulnerable.

I feel forced to slow down and reflect on my life. After all the work I have put into becoming myself for the past 24 years, I find myself standing here. Standing vulnerable in front of the world saying “this is me.”.

This is my life. It is a perfectly happy little life filled with laughs, and community, and home cooked meals, and passion, and love.

Nevertheless, this is my life. How strange is that? I am no longer working towards getting married, or graduating college, or getting a job, or finding a home. For the first time I can remember, I feel like this is my life. I am no longer waiting for life to start.

Life is right here. I am in it.

So, I am going to reintroduce myself. My name is Kristen Carolan. I was born Kristen Stanley, but I changed my name a few months ago after getting married. I am currently 24 years old, which is a culmination of every moment before turning 24. I love my job. I live with my incredible husband. I call my mom and dad often just to hear their voices. This is my beautiful life. I am living it.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. kathleen stanley

    love it ❤️

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