I Am Not For Everyone And That Is Okay

Two years ago…

My husband was sitting at his computer reading through resumes.

“I hate saying no because they are too young,” he had said.

I would much rather hear that than be told I wasn’t good enough,” I replied.

We disagreed.

He viewed not being good enough as something you can change. He felt that not being the first pick for a job meant that someone else would do a better job at it, and that is where his thoughts on the matter ended.

I viewed not being good enough as a failure on my part. I felt like a bad person. I allowed the fact that someone would do a better job than I would at a task make me feel lesser as a person. I gave that one decision so much weight. I gave every decision so much weight. If people liked me, if I had the job, if I was smart enough or pretty enough.

These things are not so important to me anymore.

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This week…

I was lying in bed writing in my journal.

“I am not for everyone and that is okay,” I wrote.

What a hard idea to accept and yet I wrote it so easily. So casually I mentioned that I am comfortable not being the best at everything or the most liked by everyone.

What a shift.

“I am doing my best,” I wrote.

I truly know that I am doing my best and that brings me comfort. There have been times in my life when I could not have said this. Knowing that I was not my best hung over me the same as a dark cloud waiting for the first crack of thunder. But now, I am doing my best.

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I have bad days sometimes (we all do). Despite this, I can say with confidence that I am doing my best. Each day that I go to work I give everything that I can to the children, their families, and my coworkers. Some people still won’t like me. To that, I say, “It’s okay”.

What else can I really say?

There is enough bliss in knowing I am doing my best that I don’t wait for the approval of others to feel joy.

I feel this way about relationships too. The ebb and flow of relationships are often not easy to accept. We are often left with questions about why friendships end, lovers quarrel, and families drift. All we can do in our relationships is try our best. Sometimes this won’t be enough, and that is okay.

We all had a childhood best friend that we drifted from. We blame distance, separate friend groups, or varying interests. The truth is we surround ourselves with the people who make us happiest. The people who best fill the job of “best friend” or “boyfriend”. Shouldn’t we all be doing this? We should all try our best in relationships that matter, but sometimes someone else will come along and does a better job because they have more shared interests, similar values, or just because they click. That is okay.

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“Someone not liking me does not make me a bad person,” I wrote.

There is no moral value connected to most of the things that we worry about. Not getting the job that you went for doesn’t make you a bad person. Drifting from a friend says very little about your character.

Let go of these thoughts and make room for your values. What makes me a “good” person? How can I stop giving so much weight to the concerns that say so little about me? What is important to me and why? The more I answer these questions the easier it is to identify what matters to me and what I can accept and let go of.

Make room for what matters. Don’t beat yourself up over the small stuff.

“I am not for everyone and that is okay” is a hard pill to swallow. Unfortunately, we will all lose relationships, miss out on jobs, and meet people that are better than us at the things that we care about. As hard as it is, this truth is so freeing. You will meet the people that are happiest around you, and you will find the job you are best at if you do not get distracted by what is not for you.

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